It's not mean to hate her a little bit...?

[urania]

Okay, so basically all my friends (or everyone, really...) know that my biggest hope for the future is that I get to study Northern European Studies in Berlin. Then this dialogue between me and a good friend who already has a place at a school in Berlin (for make-up artists...) happens:

Friend : "I cried all night yesterday!"
Me: "Why? D:"
Friend: "Because I have to move to Berlin for my apprenticeship!"
Me: "... ._. I'd be really happy if it was garantueed that I could study in Berlin..."
Friend: "Yeah?! But maybe my friends and family mean something to me!" *turns away with a bitchy face*
Me: "Uhm... ._."


So, uhm, I wasn't the asshole here, was I? o.o

Comments

[angrylogic.livejournal.com]

I don't think she meant what she said. It might just be the realisation that she's going to have to move away very soon, and she might not personally be ready for it so saying something like "Yeah?! But maybe my friends and family mean something to me!" is just her way of showing that she's scared of losing contact with her friends when she moves, which sadly happens to the majority of people regardless of how far away the move is. Not everyone makes new friends easily, so she may just be nervous that she's basically going to have to start from scratch. I eventually want to live in Berlin too, and I was supposed to have moved back in October but I know now that I'm just not ready for it and I'm glad I didn't go. Part of it is family and part of it is friends (personally I find it very, very difficult meeting new people and becoming friends with them so I understand a little why she said that) but most of it is because it doesn't feel right at the moment. It wouldn't matter if I moved into the house next door from mine though, I'm not ready for any sort of change at all. Perhaps this girl isn't either, but because she has a placement she hasn't given herself much of a choice.

But no, you weren't an asshole :) Someone was going to say something like you did to her sooner or later. It doesn't make you a bad person.

[urania-chan.livejournal.com]

Wow, this sounds so very reasonable. :)
I think some of those aspects are right and I'll admit that I'm pissed at her recently anyway 'cause she's been a shitty friend the last few months, and this was just another of those times.
But one thing that makes me mad at her is that it really can't be her friends that want to make her stay because basically all of them move away, too, to study except maybe one. Few of them even move to Berlin (or plan to), so she won't be lonely. So in the end it all comes down to the fact that her new boyfriend will stay in Kassel. And I mean that's okay, that's a reason I can understand, but I'm pissed at her anyway because lately she has neglected her friends because she's too busy fucking every day.

So, yes, I might understand her, but I'm still angry because lately, she' just been a shitty person.

Wow, that sounded bitter, um. But I can't explain it any better. Maybe I just don't like seeing an 8 year friendship going down the drain. :/

[angrylogic.livejournal.com]

Ah, the boyfriend in the equasion explains it all XD That's the reason most people in this town haven't moved away (probably me too, but I'm in a serious seven-and-a-half year relationship). The chances are that even if she did move to Berlin along with some of her current friends, her priorities would change anyway and she wouldn't spend time with them. Some people are just like that - they accumulate a mass group of people who really are never "true" friends, they are just individuals who have shared a small part of their life with them. Lol, it's like a crazy bride who invites 200 people to her wedding even though only about five of them mean anything to her and the rest are just to look good.

It's never nice when a long friendship disintegrates but sometimes it just happens. Distance has never really been an issue with my friends: a lot of them live a very long way away but I've kept in contact with them and made the effort to see them because they mean something to me. It's when you realise that you can no longer be bothered even sending an SMS on their birthday or whatever then it's time to call it to an end. Sometimes it can be with someone who lives very close to you, so where they live has nothing to do with it. I almost split it off with someone I've been friends with since we were four since turned into a shitty person for a while there, but I just cooled it from her for about a month and then got back in contact with her when I felt she'd calmed down a little. It's been worth it so far, and I'm glad I didn't lose her as a close friend but the couple of times it has happened have been very long and painful :( That's just life, but looking back on it, it was for the best that the friendships ended.

[urania-chan.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's much sense in keeping a friendship alive with a person you've come to dislike. :/ Happened to me a few times, too, but it was never so sudden.
And I'm a little morbidly curious if we'll ever really hang out if we should both end up in Berlin. Because I really can't see it happening. And she wants to drive home every weekend anyway (which would amount to €250 per month only for train tickets, her school is another €750 per month). But no sense in thinking about it too hard, I'll just watch what happens. :/

[angrylogic.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like my friend. I just didn't like what she was turning into as a direct result of the hoarde of dickheads she was hanging around with. It wasn't really jealousy. I've just know her for almost twenty years and she was turning into a lousy person, and she was not half the person I knew her as when she was with them. I didn't want to dislike her, but I found myself having no option. The best thing to do is be neutral, then when they suddenly realise you're not standing around behind them like you usually are, they come looking for you. That is a good time to make your feelings clear, but that depends if they come back at all. A lot of the time they don't :\

I seriously wouldn't count on her coming back at weekends. No one ever does, even if they intend to. It's called "Real Life", and it gets in the way of everything (which is why it's much easier to live in your head where it is pure fantasy and you can fly around on the back of a giant albatross XD)